(Vulnerability Journaling)

(Depression Vulnerability Journaling to share) Dear Self-Who-Is-Having-a-Panic-Attack (Vulnerability Journaling)

Captain Arenai. (<-What I call myself)

Those closest to me keep dying. I’ve lost so many friends and family this year to cancer, heart attacks, and ALS. What more can I do?

…Slow down.

Process… Your mind is racing. When you get an idea in your head… write it down and slowly or, a song, play the song.

My inner mother keeps moving too fast. 

Lower self: please help me. give me grace, strength, gentleness.

Higher self: praise yourself. please yourself. Heal yourself.

lower self: give me understanding to close the guilt/shame/hopelssness loops.

Higher self: You like efficiency. Sleep more. 

play World of Warcraft while listening to E.T. e-books to battle the panic attacks.

“Whiskey soaked bones” -Line from the band: “you me and the devil makes three.”

——-

1. Where do you want to be in two months? This can cover anything from emotions to finances to relationships. Paint a picture of where you want to see yourself in 2 months. 

-Ive been having insomina, indegestion, trouble eating. Grief over much life trauma, and stress from self-imopsed deadlines. Need to put down the juggle. i want to feel about myself how others feel about me. I want much more, to love myself, express myeslf, trust myself. See what others see when they see me. Open my throat chakra, through breathwork and slowing down. Listening more, talking less. Not be so bothered by myself, nor scare those around me anymore. Be more positive.

-in 2 months, I wish to feel more normal again, stable, confidant. 

2. Why is this outcome important to you? 

-not to live in fear anymore, of myself, my gifts.

3. What is your main blocker to achieving this? List max 2 things even if there may be more to help focus your energy. 

-too much overthinking, fear of being alone with my own thoughts.

-multitasking and over-committing myself to things in a time of such confusion. 

-not sure if i should put my book 2 down at this point. i fluctuate between feeling creative and wanting to, and feeling overwhelmed. so im confused about what i want.